Tuesday, July 27, 2010

a little less unlost, a little more found.

Well, if you read my "unlost wanderer" post, I'm pleased to share with you that I'm a little less "unlost." Not that the finding didn't come with trials and pain, but it brings with it knowledge and wisdom.

"A man who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm."
--Proverbs 13:20

Searching for answers often comes with looking in the wrong places, finding the answer is something we don't want to know, failure (that, at some point, often leads to success in some realm or another), sometimes looking in the same wrong place more than once (Isn't there a saying about that? "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." --Thanks for that one, Mom. Maybe I'm a little crazy? Only kidding.), or finding that you knew the answer all along. There's plenty of other things that come with searching...these are just a few I've encountered recently.

I've found that there are some people that are in your life only for a season. That season may be short or it may be lengthy. It may be that they are there to show you something, to help you grow into the person God is molding you to be. Or, they may be there, so that you can touch their life in some way. But for those seasonal relationships, at some point, you must let go. You must realize that their place in your life is finished...and while it meant a great deal while it existed, it is now over. Letting go might not be what you had in mind, but I've found that if you let go when it's time, it leaves a better taste in your mouth for the person left behind. A bridge a little less burned. A heart needing a little less mending. A person needing a little less replacement of what used to be.

Letting go at the opportune moment may hurt somewhat, but it leaves less damage in the long run. It allows each of you to continue on your life journey to where you are supposed to be, without the turning back and retracing steps. Yes, it can cause pain. But the severing of most things do...relationships, limbs, addictions, etc...for a period of time. But then it's over, and you can appreciate what was. You can see the purpose of their season. This is the healing. And it almost always comes. It is the natural process that follows pain and injury.

I am in the process of letting go. But through the pain, I'm starting to see that those left behind served their purpose in my life well. I hope I was able to do the same for them. The pain is worth what comes with the healing.

"In my time I've seen some things
People come and people go
I've seen the colors autumn brings
And how winter rain turns into snow
But this I know for sure
Though seasons change I must endure
For you promised you'll be there
When season change

The fire of my soul
Though this house with time grows old
Will remain as long as I can feel you
Abiding in me
It's good to know
That you still care
For you promised you'll be there
When seasons change"

Friday, July 23, 2010


"People are always telling me that change is a good thing. But, all that really means is that something that you didn't want to happen, at all, has happened."

And there's nothing I can do about it.

Change: inevitable, painful, a chance for something new.

In a week from right now, the place I call home will be void of all I've known it to be but the memories it holds. Memories that mean the world to me. Being near to my family, sleepovers with friends, movie nights, countless bowls of chocolate ice cream with milk on top (probably my favorite thing in the world), surprise birthday party, family dinners, best friend neighbors, Christmas mornings, holidays in general, Sunday afternoon naps on the couch...and in a week, all of these things either won't be or will happening somewhere else. With change comes pain.

But, at the same time...it holds the opportunity for something new. My parents are moving back to the place I lived as a child. A place that I will learn to call "home" again. It's going to take some getting used to, though. I'm learning to deal with change. To accept it and embrace it...there's no stopping it, so I might as well.

Monday, July 19, 2010

be my everything.

God in my hoping.
There in my dreaming.
God in my watching.
God in my waiting.
God in my laughing.
There in my weeping.
God in my hurting.
God in my healing.
Be my everything.

And this is my prayer in the fire.
In weakness or trial or pain.
There is a faith proved
of more worth than gold.
So, refine me, Lord, through the flames.
And, I will bring praise.
I will bring praise.
No weapon formed against me will shall remain.
I will rejoice.
I will declare.
God is my victory and He is here.
And this is my prayer in the battle.
When triumph is still on its way.
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ.
So firm on His promise I'll stand.
All of my life.
In every season.
You are still God.

I have a reason to sing.
I have a reason to worship.

Lead me to the cross.

You are stronger.
You are stronger.
Sin is broken.
You have saved me.
It is written.
Christ is risen.
Jesus, You are Lord of all.

to dye for.

hand (mx) dyed, 100% silk scarves.

quatrefoil. (sold)

blue with yellow flowers. (sold)

yellow with pink flowers.

yellow & blue with rock salt.

yellow with orange flowers.

red, magenta, & yellow stripes.

blue with yellow flowers.


on display & for sale at montaluce winery & le vigne restaurant.
scarves: $25.00

Thursday, July 8, 2010

let's get lost.

"We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of the dream. Wandering lone by sea breakers, and sitting by desolate streams. World losers and world forsakers, for whom the pale moon gleams. Yet we are movers and the shakers of the world forever it seems."
--Arthur William Edgar O'Shaughnessy

"The genuine characteristic of heroism is its persistency. All men have wandering impulses, fits and starts of generosity. But when you have resolved to be great, abide by yourself, and do not weakly try to reconcile yourself with the world. The heroic cannot be the common, nor the common heroic."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

"A journey is best measured in friends rather than miles."
--Tim Cahill

"The soul of a journey is liberty, perfect liberty, to think, feel, do as one pleases."
--William Hazlitt

"Journeys end in lovers' meeting; every wise man's son doth know."

"A free spirit takes liberties even with liberty itself."
--Francis Picabia

"Something about her eyes or voice has always suggested the hint of a free spirit."
--Jeff Greenfield

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable."
--Helen Keller

"A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities."
--William Arthur Ward

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

"My tongue is the pen of a skillful writer."

"My heart is stirred by a noble theme;
as I recite my verses for the King;
my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer.

The King is enthralled by your beauty;
honor Him, for He is your Lord."

--Psalm 45:1,11

The King, the Ruler of the universe, my Creator, Elohim (Creator God), El Roi (The God Who Sees Me), El Elyon (Most High), Gaol (Redeemer).....God the Father--He is enthralled by my beauty. Have you ever wondered how that is possible? That the God who created us, who breathed us into being, the God who is enthralled with our beauty is the very same God who holds the entire universe in His hands. He is enthralled with us, very small, faulty, and imperfect creatures. All of us. At the same time. We are the objects of His attention, and yet, so often we are running from Him; running from the One who wants nothing more than to hold us and tell us how beautiful we are to Him. Are we crazy? Have we lost our minds? The King of the Universe wants nothing more than a relationship with us and time after time we turn and run away from the one being who will never leave our side.

What does it mean to be "enthralled?"
By definition, to enthrall someone or something means to captivate it; to literally hold it captive. The King is captivated by us. Reading this passage this morning was so humbling for me. "Who am I for the King to be captivated by my beauty?" I asked myself. But, the answer is simple. I am His child. I am a daughter of the King.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
--Nelson Mandela

Saturday, July 3, 2010


Thank you for redemption. Thank you for allowing your perfection to accept my imperfect love.

In Your ocean I'm ankle deep,
I feel the waves crashing on my feet;
It's like I know where I need to be
But I can't figure out,
I can't figure out
Just how much air I will need to breath
When Your tide washes over me
There's only one way to figure out,
Will You let me drown?
Will You let me drown?
Hey now, this is my desire:
Consume me like a fire
'Cause I just want something beautiful to touch me-
I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees
Waiting for something beautiful.
And the water is rising quick,
And for years I was scared of it.
We can't be sure when it will subside
So I won't leave Your side.
No, I can't leave Your side.
Hey now, this is my desire:
Consume me like a fire
'Cause I just want something beautiful to touch me-
I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees
Waiting for something beautiful.
In a daydream
I couldn't live like this.
I wouldn't stop until I found something beautiful.
But when I wake up,
And all I want, I have
You know it's still all I need-something beautiful.

(Something Beautiful--needtobreathe)

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Not all who wander are lost.

This summer, I would say, it would be a safe assumption that I've been searching--searching for answers, for truth, for what my future holds. For some answers, I've been searching in all of the wrong places. And for others, I've found exactly what I was looking for.

I've found that it's okay not to know exactly what you want to do with your life right now. It's okay not to have a career path laid out at 21. It's okay to not know what your next step will be after you graduate college (but I might need to figure that one out kind of soon.) And despite popular belief (around here anyway,) it's okay to not be dating someone, to not have a "significant other," to not know the person you want to marry. There's plenty of time for that later in life. It's okay to still be searching.

Sometimes I feel like I might be the last person to figure these things out, if I figure them out at all. But that's the beauty in searching. It's a journey--one with twists, turns, dead ends--and maybe you chose the wrong way at some point, but it doesn't mean you can't turn around. Remember, "not all who wander are lost." (J.R.R. Tolkien) That's me...an unlost wanderer--seeking what my future has in store for me.

But that's what this period in life is for. College is about finding yourself, what you stand for (on a more concrete level,) what you want in life, and the person you want to become. Diane von Furstenberg once said, "I didn't really know what I wanted to do, but I knew the woman I wanted to become." (In a commercial for American Express in their, "That's Why I'm a Card Member campaign) I think that's where I have found myself recently. Not knowing what I want to do with my life after college, but knowing the woman I want to become.

Andy Stanley gave a couple of messages at the 2010 Passion Conference in Atlanta, and in one them he stated, "It's always a mistake to decide what you want to do before you decide who you want to be." This statement couldn't be more true. Because, if you don't know what kind of person you want to become, your actions will determine that for you.

On the other hand, searching can become exhausting, when you aren't finding anything, as I've recently found. But the only reason I wasn't finding anything is because I was looking in the wrong places. "Come to Me all who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28) The answers are found in Him.

Well, that's all I've got for now. Maybe I'll let you know when I find some more answers.
Until then, I'll stay the unlost wanderer.

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:12-14)