Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Becoming a better follower.

Well, needless to say, I've been away from the blogging realm for a little while...also known as 3 & 1/2 months or so, maybe closer to 4. But, who's counting?

During my slight hiatus, I've done some reevaluating (mostly in the past couple of days), had some incredible opportunities presented to me, done things I've regreted, visited new places, made my first C in a class--ever, experienced incredible worship, and learned just how minute, finite, and small I really am.

If you haven't ever seen the Indescribable and How Great Is Our God messages by Louie Giglio, I recommend them strongly. They are life changing! We tend to look at ourselves and see some great, invincible person. When, in fact, it is our Creator that is great, that is making something great out of us. We have nothing to do with it other than accepting His gracious gift of giving us the opportunity to follow him. That's something I'm really trying to grasp. I am NOTHING great without Him. "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know Him." 1 John 3:1.

As children of God, we aren't called to be "Christians." We are called to know the Father and to follow Him. I'm trying to grab on to that more lately...more knowing Him, not just knowing about Him, and following. He said, "Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men." That is what I want to do. I want to be a better follower. And in following...I want to be a better doer. I was talking to my Mom tonight and she was asking me where my heart was at as far as being involved in ministry is concerned and when she said this, it really hit home with me. She said, "I think I would rather be a not as great doer of the word, than simply a hearer." I couldn't agree more. James 1:22 says, "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says." I want to be a better doer. I want to be a better follower by doing all that I can to make my actions like those of Christ.

I have some major changes to make.

So, here it goes.

Here I am. Send me...very little, ordinary, and insignificant me.

(More elaborations on what's been going on in my life to come--soon!)


Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Live a life of love.

"I've been a walking heart ache.
I've made a mess of me.
The person that I've been lately,
Isn't who I want to be."
-Dave Barnes

Ever found yourself looking in the mirror trying to figure out what you've become & how you got there? I've kind of found myself in that place lately. Running from the person I know I should be...I've been self-serving, hard-hearted, and closed off. I've been dealing with pain in my life in a way that was easy...not in the way that is right. I've been running from what I know to be true; running from the one person who won't leave my side.

Why have I been running? Maybe because I wanted to be angry. Maybe because I knew if I turned to Him, He wouldn't let me down. And maybe, because I wanted to be angry, I took my anger out on Him. I've found it's easier to take your anger out on the ones that you know will be there for you when it's all over because it's one less loss you'll have to face. I know this isn't right; most of the time the easier things aren't.

With all of that said, I've found myself back on the path to becoming the person God has created me to be. He's softening my heart, giving me compassion, and helping me see that there are other ways to handle unwanted situations other than getting angry. He's molding me into the person He created me to be.

"There's more here than what we're seeing;
A divine conspiracy."

"Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution."
-Kahlil Gibran

Leaving my selfish, hard heart behind, I'm finding that being compassionate doesn't mean you're weak. It means you're strong enough to halve someone else's pain, to share in what they are dealing with. It means, you double their joy, by sharing your excitement for them. It is having a heart for others. These are the things I want to exhibit in my life. A heart for others. Wanting to serve. Desiring God's love to be shown through me.

"Live a life of love."
Ephesians 5:2a

"Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?' And I said, 'Here I am. Send me!'"
-Isaiah 6:8

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

a little less unlost, a little more found.

Well, if you read my "unlost wanderer" post, I'm pleased to share with you that I'm a little less "unlost." Not that the finding didn't come with trials and pain, but it brings with it knowledge and wisdom.

"A man who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm."
--Proverbs 13:20

Searching for answers often comes with looking in the wrong places, finding the answer is something we don't want to know, failure (that, at some point, often leads to success in some realm or another), sometimes looking in the same wrong place more than once (Isn't there a saying about that? "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." --Thanks for that one, Mom. Maybe I'm a little crazy? Only kidding.), or finding that you knew the answer all along. There's plenty of other things that come with searching...these are just a few I've encountered recently.

I've found that there are some people that are in your life only for a season. That season may be short or it may be lengthy. It may be that they are there to show you something, to help you grow into the person God is molding you to be. Or, they may be there, so that you can touch their life in some way. But for those seasonal relationships, at some point, you must let go. You must realize that their place in your life is finished...and while it meant a great deal while it existed, it is now over. Letting go might not be what you had in mind, but I've found that if you let go when it's time, it leaves a better taste in your mouth for the person left behind. A bridge a little less burned. A heart needing a little less mending. A person needing a little less replacement of what used to be.

Letting go at the opportune moment may hurt somewhat, but it leaves less damage in the long run. It allows each of you to continue on your life journey to where you are supposed to be, without the turning back and retracing steps. Yes, it can cause pain. But the severing of most things do...relationships, limbs, addictions, etc...for a period of time. But then it's over, and you can appreciate what was. You can see the purpose of their season. This is the healing. And it almost always comes. It is the natural process that follows pain and injury.

I am in the process of letting go. But through the pain, I'm starting to see that those left behind served their purpose in my life well. I hope I was able to do the same for them. The pain is worth what comes with the healing.

"In my time I've seen some things
People come and people go
I've seen the colors autumn brings
And how winter rain turns into snow
But this I know for sure
Though seasons change I must endure
For you promised you'll be there
When season change

The fire of my soul
Though this house with time grows old
Will remain as long as I can feel you
Abiding in me
It's good to know
That you still care
For you promised you'll be there
When seasons change"

Friday, July 23, 2010


"People are always telling me that change is a good thing. But, all that really means is that something that you didn't want to happen, at all, has happened."

And there's nothing I can do about it.

Change: inevitable, painful, a chance for something new.

In a week from right now, the place I call home will be void of all I've known it to be but the memories it holds. Memories that mean the world to me. Being near to my family, sleepovers with friends, movie nights, countless bowls of chocolate ice cream with milk on top (probably my favorite thing in the world), surprise birthday party, family dinners, best friend neighbors, Christmas mornings, holidays in general, Sunday afternoon naps on the couch...and in a week, all of these things either won't be or will happening somewhere else. With change comes pain.

But, at the same holds the opportunity for something new. My parents are moving back to the place I lived as a child. A place that I will learn to call "home" again. It's going to take some getting used to, though. I'm learning to deal with change. To accept it and embrace it...there's no stopping it, so I might as well.

Monday, July 19, 2010

be my everything.

God in my hoping.
There in my dreaming.
God in my watching.
God in my waiting.
God in my laughing.
There in my weeping.
God in my hurting.
God in my healing.
Be my everything.

And this is my prayer in the fire.
In weakness or trial or pain.
There is a faith proved
of more worth than gold.
So, refine me, Lord, through the flames.
And, I will bring praise.
I will bring praise.
No weapon formed against me will shall remain.
I will rejoice.
I will declare.
God is my victory and He is here.
And this is my prayer in the battle.
When triumph is still on its way.
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ.
So firm on His promise I'll stand.
All of my life.
In every season.
You are still God.

I have a reason to sing.
I have a reason to worship.

Lead me to the cross.

You are stronger.
You are stronger.
Sin is broken.
You have saved me.
It is written.
Christ is risen.
Jesus, You are Lord of all.

to dye for.

hand (mx) dyed, 100% silk scarves.

quatrefoil. (sold)

blue with yellow flowers. (sold)

yellow with pink flowers.

yellow & blue with rock salt.

yellow with orange flowers.

red, magenta, & yellow stripes.

blue with yellow flowers.


on display & for sale at montaluce winery & le vigne restaurant.
scarves: $25.00

Thursday, July 8, 2010

let's get lost.

"We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of the dream. Wandering lone by sea breakers, and sitting by desolate streams. World losers and world forsakers, for whom the pale moon gleams. Yet we are movers and the shakers of the world forever it seems."
--Arthur William Edgar O'Shaughnessy

"The genuine characteristic of heroism is its persistency. All men have wandering impulses, fits and starts of generosity. But when you have resolved to be great, abide by yourself, and do not weakly try to reconcile yourself with the world. The heroic cannot be the common, nor the common heroic."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

"A journey is best measured in friends rather than miles."
--Tim Cahill

"The soul of a journey is liberty, perfect liberty, to think, feel, do as one pleases."
--William Hazlitt

"Journeys end in lovers' meeting; every wise man's son doth know."

"A free spirit takes liberties even with liberty itself."
--Francis Picabia

"Something about her eyes or voice has always suggested the hint of a free spirit."
--Jeff Greenfield

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable."
--Helen Keller

"A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities."
--William Arthur Ward

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

"My tongue is the pen of a skillful writer."

"My heart is stirred by a noble theme;
as I recite my verses for the King;
my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer.

The King is enthralled by your beauty;
honor Him, for He is your Lord."

--Psalm 45:1,11

The King, the Ruler of the universe, my Creator, Elohim (Creator God), El Roi (The God Who Sees Me), El Elyon (Most High), Gaol (Redeemer).....God the Father--He is enthralled by my beauty. Have you ever wondered how that is possible? That the God who created us, who breathed us into being, the God who is enthralled with our beauty is the very same God who holds the entire universe in His hands. He is enthralled with us, very small, faulty, and imperfect creatures. All of us. At the same time. We are the objects of His attention, and yet, so often we are running from Him; running from the One who wants nothing more than to hold us and tell us how beautiful we are to Him. Are we crazy? Have we lost our minds? The King of the Universe wants nothing more than a relationship with us and time after time we turn and run away from the one being who will never leave our side.

What does it mean to be "enthralled?"
By definition, to enthrall someone or something means to captivate it; to literally hold it captive. The King is captivated by us. Reading this passage this morning was so humbling for me. "Who am I for the King to be captivated by my beauty?" I asked myself. But, the answer is simple. I am His child. I am a daughter of the King.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
--Nelson Mandela

Saturday, July 3, 2010


Thank you for redemption. Thank you for allowing your perfection to accept my imperfect love.

In Your ocean I'm ankle deep,
I feel the waves crashing on my feet;
It's like I know where I need to be
But I can't figure out,
I can't figure out
Just how much air I will need to breath
When Your tide washes over me
There's only one way to figure out,
Will You let me drown?
Will You let me drown?
Hey now, this is my desire:
Consume me like a fire
'Cause I just want something beautiful to touch me-
I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees
Waiting for something beautiful.
And the water is rising quick,
And for years I was scared of it.
We can't be sure when it will subside
So I won't leave Your side.
No, I can't leave Your side.
Hey now, this is my desire:
Consume me like a fire
'Cause I just want something beautiful to touch me-
I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees
Waiting for something beautiful.
In a daydream
I couldn't live like this.
I wouldn't stop until I found something beautiful.
But when I wake up,
And all I want, I have
You know it's still all I need-something beautiful.

(Something Beautiful--needtobreathe)

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Not all who wander are lost.

This summer, I would say, it would be a safe assumption that I've been searching--searching for answers, for truth, for what my future holds. For some answers, I've been searching in all of the wrong places. And for others, I've found exactly what I was looking for.

I've found that it's okay not to know exactly what you want to do with your life right now. It's okay not to have a career path laid out at 21. It's okay to not know what your next step will be after you graduate college (but I might need to figure that one out kind of soon.) And despite popular belief (around here anyway,) it's okay to not be dating someone, to not have a "significant other," to not know the person you want to marry. There's plenty of time for that later in life. It's okay to still be searching.

Sometimes I feel like I might be the last person to figure these things out, if I figure them out at all. But that's the beauty in searching. It's a journey--one with twists, turns, dead ends--and maybe you chose the wrong way at some point, but it doesn't mean you can't turn around. Remember, "not all who wander are lost." (J.R.R. Tolkien) That's unlost wanderer--seeking what my future has in store for me.

But that's what this period in life is for. College is about finding yourself, what you stand for (on a more concrete level,) what you want in life, and the person you want to become. Diane von Furstenberg once said, "I didn't really know what I wanted to do, but I knew the woman I wanted to become." (In a commercial for American Express in their, "That's Why I'm a Card Member campaign) I think that's where I have found myself recently. Not knowing what I want to do with my life after college, but knowing the woman I want to become.

Andy Stanley gave a couple of messages at the 2010 Passion Conference in Atlanta, and in one them he stated, "It's always a mistake to decide what you want to do before you decide who you want to be." This statement couldn't be more true. Because, if you don't know what kind of person you want to become, your actions will determine that for you.

On the other hand, searching can become exhausting, when you aren't finding anything, as I've recently found. But the only reason I wasn't finding anything is because I was looking in the wrong places. "Come to Me all who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28) The answers are found in Him.

Well, that's all I've got for now. Maybe I'll let you know when I find some more answers.
Until then, I'll stay the unlost wanderer.

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:12-14)

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

need for new.

new to my book list:

not new, but new to my iPod:
If It's Love by Train
The Man Who Can't Be Moved by The Script
I Never Told You by Colbie Caillat

new to my antique collection:

A hand-made something or other that I'm making a pillow case out of for my room that I got from the Lexington Antique Mall, along with a couple of items from antique stores in the area.

new obsession:

new skill to acquire:
COOKING:my first attempt at an omelet (this morning)--failure.

just new:

I actually let a dog kiss me. This is completely out of character for me! But, only because it was from sweet, not as little anymore, Trigger.

new on my to-do list:
1. Study for Macroeconomics final.
2. Pack for St. Simons!
3. Read The Carrie Diaries.
4. Do something artsy!

Hope newness is brought to your life today!

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a NEW creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become NEW." 2 Corinthians 5:17.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

All you need is one.

I came across this quote yesterday:

"At this moment there are 6,824,700,000 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes -- all you need is one."

So true...there are billions of souls in this world--billions--and sometimes, the only thing we need is one. Sometimes, there's just that one person that can make everything the way it should be...for that very moment, all is right in your world.

I guess I might be found somewhere between running scared and just now facing the truth. Maybe I'm running scared of the truth? I'm not sure. Sometimes I find myself wondering if I'm good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, etc...what qualifies enough, in the first place? I think these unrealistic, societal standards are what most see as true, and that's why we're running scared. The truth is scary, but the truth is--those standards aren't true.

The truth is, we are created in God's image--we are beautiful. We are smart enough--intelligent, all in our own ways. And the only thing keeping us from being good enough, is ourselves. We hold ourselves back from achieving greatness. But, don't sell yourself short. You are destined for greatness.

Needless to say, believing these things--believing you are destined for greatness--is much easier when that one soul who makes everything right in your world is there helping you to believe, helping you to see what they see in you. And, while it may be hard for me to believe that I am destined for greatness right now, I do believe that someday, no matter how distant it may seem now, someday my soul will meet it's match. Someday, all will be right in my world. But, until then, I'll just believe--believe in the greater good, believe in myself, and believe that I am enough.

She carries memories around like souvenirs down in her pockets. She should have let some go by now but can't seem to drop it. Says forgiveness ain't nothing but a lifeless tire on the shoulder of her soul--that never rolls. For as much as she stumbled she's runnin'. For as much as she runs she's still here. Always hoping to find something quicker than heaven, to make the damage of her days disappear--just like Guinevere. She don't hold onto nothin' new for very long. Yeah she writes you in as just one more tale and then you're gone. 'Cause she once fell hard 'cause she dropped her guard and no one gets to stay, it's just too late."

I guess for now, I'm just running...and somehow, at the same time, still here.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010


Currently reading:
Montana Sky by Nora Roberts
(Almost finished--need suggestions for a new book!)

Currently listening to:
Light Outside by Wakey! Wakey!
Poison & Wine by The Civil Wars
Almost Everything by Wakey! Wakey!
Timshel by Mumford & Sons
(Possibly similar to a One Tree Hill soundtrack.)

Counting down the hours until:

Newest love:

Little Trigger (better known as Lucas Scott.)

-Noir Furniture Burlap Bed
-Anthropologie Italian Campaign Canopy Bed

-Urban Outfitters Waterfall Ruffle Cutrain,&navCount=49&navAction=jump&color=&pushId=A_NEWARRIVALS&popId=APARTMENT&prepushId=&selectedProductSize=

-Anthropologie Dock Glow Chandelier

-Michael Kors Acrylic, Midsize Watch, White/Rose Gold

Just wishful thinking!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


New found obsession: Antiquing.
I have a few blogs that I stalk on a daily basis, one of them being The past 3 recent posts on this blog have been pictures and details from an antique "show" this mother/daughter duo attended in Brimfield, MA. After reading the posts about the show, I was inspired to check some local antique malls in my small college town.
Lately, I've been looking for something to start collecting...something that can carry on into adulthood. From their May 18th post, I fell in love with Fenton Hobnail Milk Glass. It comes in different shapes, sizes, and colors. I like white the best, but found a few other colors I liked also.
I am proud to say that I purchased the first piece of my collection today! At the Gateway Antique Mall on our town square. Here's a picture of it:

A few other pieces that I really loved were:

(Fenton Hobnail Milk Glass--really LOVED the purple one in the back, right corner!)

Fenton Hobnail Milk Glass

Candlewick Glass Bowls

Ruffled Marigold Carnival Bowl (similar to pieces in the goodbonesgreatpieces May 21st post)

It's safe to say, antiquing will become a regular happening in my life!

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Father, let my heart be after you.

It's no secret that I'm a sucker for a good love story. I fall for them every time--no matter how unrealistic they may be. A few of my favorites include:

Derek Shepard and Meredith Grey:

"Love is blind." -Shakespeare.

Nathan and Haley:

Just some of my favorites I've found over time...but somehow, none of these love stories I've found or people I've loved--none of these love stories outweigh the love I've found in my Creator. They are passionate and flawed, like my love for Him. The difference is, my love isn't returned by an imperfect human. It is returned by a flawless, unwavering, constant Savior. This love is unlike any other. It is unchanging. It is beautiful, strong, unconditional, personal, intimate. How one being could love so many other beings in ways that are personal and specific to each one is so far over my head, I could never grasp it. But I fully accept it. The best description I've found of this indescribable love comes from a song written about eight years ago...

"He is jealous for me. Loves like a hurricane. I am a tree. Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy. When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory. And I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me. We are His portion and He is our prize. Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes. If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking. And Heaven meets Earth like a sloppy, wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest. I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about, how He loves us."
(John Mark McMillan)

He is jealous for me. For me? Yes. And for you. He is jealous for and wants us. We are His portion. Is He your prize?

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God!"
1 John 3:1

Monday, May 10, 2010

Textile Obsession

This past semester I took my first Textile Design course, & of course, immediately became obsessed. Funny how this all Mom forced me into a Beginning Art class in high school because she said I needed to quit taking so many P.E. classes & become more "well rounded." I thought I'd hate it, but soon proved myself wrong. In short, I was so intrigued in the world of art that I chose Art Marketing as my major in college. I intended to use it for something Fashion related after I graduated--which I still do. But, the specifics of what I want to do are continually changing. After this past semester, I've found a love for dying fabrics, designing patterns for fabrics, & using fabrics to make an ordinary object something more. I've found dying scarves & sewing & embellishing cuff bracelets to be somewhat therapeutic--& even better, becoming a side job.

Above is a picture of a few of the cuffs I've made recently. They're for sale, if anyone is interested, for between $15.00 & $20.00. They each took between 3 & 6 hours to make. Let me know if you'd like to buy one! I'll post pictures of the scarves soon. I currently have 7 that I've made for sale.

Let me know if any of you have any good ideas for textile projects!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Where to start?

It's safe to say this past month has been one for the books. Letting go of friends and finding new ones, second chances, learning who to trust--and who not to, growing up in some aspects of life...all of this combined led to a great deal of learning. I've learned that people aren't always who you think they are, the truth isn't always what you want to hear--or what you want it to be, and that sometimes bad things happen to good people, but good things come from the bad. Also, God has really shown me that what others can mean for evil, He can use for good. I've found that true joy consists of more than just a smile on your face. It comes from a love from the Father that outweighs and overcomes any struggle you can face. It is a passing of fear, a peace that passes all understanding, an unconditional love.
But, in all, these experiences turn out to be something beautiful, something to hold onto, something that brings growth and newness in life. So hold onto them. Hold onto the friends that mean the world to you, the memories that make life worth living, and the love that comes with both. Give second chances freely-but cautiously. Don't take advantage of the people or things that you don't want to live without. Forgive. Forgive those who have hurt you and learn from the experience. And, last but not least, find the beauty in it all--the beauty in the good and the bad, the beauty in the unfailing love of a Heavenly Father, the beauty in the things He's blessed you with...friends, family, life.

“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out.” -Art Linkletter.