This summer, I would say, it would be a safe assumption that I've been searching--searching for answers, for truth, for what my future holds. For some answers, I've been searching in all of the wrong places. And for others, I've found exactly what I was looking for.
I've found that it's okay not to know exactly what you want to do with your life right now. It's okay not to have a career path laid out at 21. It's okay to not know what your next step will be after you graduate college (but I might need to figure that one out kind of soon.) And despite popular belief (around here anyway,) it's okay to not be dating someone, to not have a "significant other," to not know the person you want to marry. There's plenty of time for that later in life. It's okay to still be searching.
Sometimes I feel like I might be the last person to figure these things out, if I figure them out at all. But that's the beauty in searching. It's a journey--one with twists, turns, dead ends--and maybe you chose the wrong way at some point, but it doesn't mean you can't turn around. Remember, "not all who wander are lost." (J.R.R. Tolkien) That's me...an unlost wanderer--seeking what my future has in store for me.
But that's what this period in life is for. College is about finding yourself, what you stand for (on a more concrete level,) what you want in life, and the person you want to become. Diane von Furstenberg once said, "I didn't really know what I wanted to do, but I knew the woman I wanted to become." (In a commercial for American Express in their, "That's Why I'm a Card Member campaign) I think that's where I have found myself recently. Not knowing what I want to do with my life after college, but knowing the woman I want to become.
Andy Stanley gave a couple of messages at the 2010 Passion Conference in Atlanta, and in one them he stated, "It's always a mistake to decide what you want to do before you decide who you want to be." This statement couldn't be more true. Because, if you don't know what kind of person you want to become, your actions will determine that for you.
On the other hand, searching can become exhausting, when you aren't finding anything, as I've recently found. But the only reason I wasn't finding anything is because I was looking in the wrong places. "Come to Me all who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28) The answers are found in Him.
Well, that's all I've got for now. Maybe I'll let you know when I find some more answers.
Until then, I'll stay the unlost wanderer.
"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:12-14)